Skinny Bitch and Going Home

On Wednesday morning (September 24th) I left school and caught a bus home to New York. I received news on Tuesday evening that a friend of mine had passed away, so I hopped on a bus as soon as I could.

Emotional eating has not been going so well. I was not close friends with the girl who passed but when something so tragic happens to someone so young (21), it can really take a toll on you. Over the past couple days, I've been doing quite a bit of reevaluating of my life and what my purpose is. I doubt I'll figure that out anytime soon, but I can make an effort daily to figure out what's important to me and how I'd like to be remembered when my time comes.

Back to the eating part; at any given time, I'm going through 1 of 2 phases. Phase 1 is not eating at all. Sometimes I feel so emotionally distressed that eating is secondary to most other things, even things that don't matter much. Phase 2 involves eating, but making bad choices. I've had somewhat of a 'what's the point' attitude since hearing the news, but I'm dealing with it a lot better now.

The reason why I have Skinny Bitch in the title of this post is because when I was on the train yesterday, I saw a woman reading it. That was the first time I had ever seen anyone reading the book outside of a bookstore (kind of ironic because it's a New York Times Best Seller). I was so tempted to say 'hey, I read that book, went vegan right away, and lost 25lbs' but instead, I refrained from saying anything and let her keep reading peacefully.

To anyone who hasn't read the book and has any type of interest in veganism, I would say that this is a must-read. I let my vegetarian friend flip through it a bit and she was very frustrated by what the authors were saying. I think that reaction was derived from the fact that as a vegetarian, she believed she was doing her part in the Animal Rights movement and it was not necessary to go and further. Everyone is going to give different feedback about the book, but if anything, read it and form your own opinion, whether it be positive or negative.


This morning, I had the oh-so-wonderful luxury of making my OWN juice in my OWN juicer. Getting smoothies and juices from on-campus spots is cool, but nothing beats making your own carrot juice at home...which is what I did today.

I have to try to find a way to take my juicer back to school with me. I'm not sure how much longer I can survive without it. I made it a point not to pack too heavily so that I can carry a few items back with me (juicer, jackets, etc) so hopefully, I alotted myself enough space.

I'll let y'all know if it makes the journey with me.

Raw. Love.
-Natalie

Intense Cravings

(America runs on Dunkin?)

Basically, the last four or five days have gone something a little like this: I finish class, hunt down the fattiest restaurant in the area that I can find, and order the most disgusting item on the menu.

I'm quite ashamed of my behavior in recent days, so much so that when I order these foods, I either walk far away from campus to eat them (as not to be seen) or I lock myself in my room and inhale whatever it is I just bought. Something's gotta be done.

I think my problem is that I do not plan well enough for situations such as these. Being a vegan is something that is so important to me, but yet, I find myself sitting here and admitting to my recent slip ups. I'm happy that I'm experiencing all of this guilt because that means (to me at least) that I'm still passionate about veganism.

Just to give you an idea of what has gone into my body over these last few days, I'll list a few items for you:

Turkey Breast and Bacon Sandwich with Swiss Cheese and mayo (Potbelly's)
Crispy Chicken Sandwich (Wendy's)
Turkey, Cheddar, Bacon Flatbread Sandwich (Dunkin' Donuts)
Beef Chili (Cafeteria - 3x)
French Toast (Cafeteria)

The cravings have been too intense for me to handle properly. I think that I've passed the hardest part and now I just need to focus on getting healthy again...because I feel TERRIBLE.

The amount of school work I have isn't helping matters much either. I had a paper due this morning and I didn't get to bed until around 2:30am. I bought a 16oz cup of coffee to keep my engine running but by 1am, I was already running on empty.

In an attempt to do a bit of damage control, I decided that I'd eat as clean as I could today. Here's what my meals have been like so far:

Had class at 8am. Took about 10oz of Gogi Berry tea with me to go.


The class lasted about 2 hours, so I ate a Cliff Bar slowly throughout.


Went back to my room and had a cup of Emergen-C in between classes. Stopped off at Robeks (smoothie place) before my second class and bought a 10oz cup of fresh squeezed orange juice with one banana blended in.


After class, I ran over to the post office and then grabbed lunch at about 1:30. Lunch was a salad from the buffet in the cafeteria.

(About half eaten already in this picture)

Post lunch, which is what I'm about to eat, is going to be an apple with almond butter.


Just one little side note about the almond butter...you know I paid $10 for it at Safeway?!?!?!
Unbelievable.

Hopefully I'm not graced with the unwanted presence of my intensive cravings anytime soon. I can't afford to go through another bout like the one I just went through.

Learn from my mistakes....JUST SAY NO!!!

Raw. Love.
-Natalie

Confessions of a Teenage Blood Donor

I enjoy donating blood. Not only because I am sharing something of mine with someone else in need, but I feel incredibly cleansed afterward.

I was leaving my writing class yesterday and saw a sign outside of the door that said 'Emergency Blood Drive Taking Place on Campus Today' (or something of that nature). I tracked down the location of the drive and signed up as a walk-in. It was about 12:30 when I signed up and I was scheduled to donate at 4:30. The gentleman who helped me register told me to make sure that when I return, I am well hydrated and not hungry.

Now, I'm no pro when it comes to donating blood, but I have done it twice before. Here's how it went my first time:

Incredibly nervous and scared out of my mind, I passed out when my bag was about 95% full. The red cross volunteers were not too happy with me.

I was successful the second time because I knew what to expect. I was still nervous, but I was determined to finish what I had started.

So this time, my nerves really didn't play much of a role and I was confident that I'd make it through just fine. There was one little thing that I was concerned about that I thought would prevent me from donating: hemoglobin level.

Some vegans are known to have low iron levels because a large source of the average Americans iron comes from animals/animal products. Unfortunately, I am not one of those vegans who pays special attention to my deficiencies...which is subject to change in the near future. The last time I went to donate blood, my hemoglobin level came out below normal for blood donation (the requirement is at least 12.5 gm/dL and I was around 11.7 gm/dL). The nurse told me that the levels can vary based off of which hand/finger is used when drawing blood (the nurse pricks your finger and then runs your blood through a machine to check hemoglobin). She proceeded test blood from my other hand and the reading was 12.7...so I was good to go.

I did a bad thing this time though...

For some reason, I was convinced that the only way I'd be able to reach my 'hemoglobin quota' in enough time was to eat MEAT.

Stupid and illogical, I know, but I was so afraid of under performing that I was willing to do anything. Maybe this is all just an excuse and I was really craving some beef?? I certainly hope not, but whatever the reason was, I hope that it does not come back to haunt me again.

I had approximately 8oz of chili with some wild rice mixed in. My reading was 12.5.

When it was actually time for me to pump, I was moving very sssslllloooowlllyyyy. It took me about 30 minutes to fill the bag; not something I am very proud of. There were about 5 or 6 people who filtered in and out while I was pumping and each of them only took about 5 minutes each. The red cross volunteer asked me about my water intake and I said that it wasn't so great. Another one of the volunteers proceeded to lecture me about the importance of drinking 144 ounces of water a day (what??). I definitely need to drink more water, no doubt, but when I increase my intake, I don't know if it'll ever reach 144 ounces a day...getting up during class to use the bathroom is not my favorite pastime.

The imprtant thing is...I filled my bag. Yea, I had meat beforehand and yea, I took a hell of a lot of time to do it, but I did it...right?

For all of the non-squeemish people out there, I would most certainly recommend donating blood at least twice a year. According to the red cross, two donations can save six lives.

Don't you think it's worth trying?

Raw. Love.
-Natalie

WARNING!!

I was originally going to blog today about my new workout routine, but a few disturbing events that took place this morning and earlier this week have taken precedence at the last minute.

I have class at 8am on Tuesday's and Thursday's, so I have to get out of the dorm at around 7:30am so that I can both eat and get to class on time. My breakfast lately has consisted of a raisin bagel, a banana, and a single serve vanilla Silk Soymilk (yes, I know, tsk tsk). The only dining outlet that is open at that hour and within reasonable walking distance is Au Bon Pan. I've never been a huge fan of the place, but I never hated it either. It had been starting to grow on me over the past couple of weeks because their options were a lot better than most other campus dining place (notice, the last sentence was in the past tense...keep reading).

Well, I went in for my morning usual today but decided to throw in a small coffee as well (yes, tsk again). Not only have I never waited so long for a small cup of coffee in my life, but I have also never had a toasted bagel wrapped so sloppily. The cooks/servers were really not being attentive when it came to their customers.

No biggy though...I still had 15 minutes before class began and all I needed to do was check out. I bought my four items and started walking to class. I stopped along the way to pour out half of my coffee and fill it up with soy milk.

(just like the soymilk I had this morning, except mine was vanilla)

My coffee began to curdle as soon as I poured the soymilk in. I really thought nothing of it because I just figured that's how coffee reacted to soymilk...so I tasted it. GROSSSS. I've never had anything so rancid in my life. I actually thought it was the coffee that was bad, so I threw it away and began to drink the rest of the soymilk I had left in my bottle.

GROSSSSSS

It smelled and tasted like rotten eggs. I turned around and went back to Au Bon Pan to get an exchange. I ended up just getting a new black coffee and my money back for the soymilk. The gentleman who worked there was very nice when I came in and complained about the milk. I noticed, though, that there were still three more soymilks sitting in the refrigerator and I thought to myself 'those all have GOT to be spoiled as well. He's not going to get rid of them?'


In any case, I went on my way and ate my bagel while walking to class. When I was halfway through eating it, I spotted a nice long hair in the other half of the bagel.

Can I get a break?

I threw the bagel away and found myself left with a small black coffee (no sugar of coarse) and a banana for breakfast.


The other incident happened on Tuesday when I was on my way to my 8am class. I grabbed 2 bananas and a Super Protein Odwalla drink before I went to class. I ate the bananas before I got to the classroom and started on the drink during class. I'm a REALLY fast eater/drinker, so I drank about half of it in one go.

I thought I was going to hurl in front of everyone.

The drink is supposed to be a blend of fruits and protein but, once again, this tasted and smelled more like rotten eggs. I have this drink quite often, and I have NEVER experienced a taste such as this.

Just writing about it is making me sick all over again.

I'm pretty much turned off of the items listed above, and will be for the next month or so I'm guessing. Maybe the Raw Gods are trying to tell me that I need to stop being so dependent on cooked, processed, and manufactured foods and choose options that are more wholesome. After all, the bananas in both incidents turned out to be my source of food after all else failed.

Bottom line...I've gotta go grocery shopping.

Raw. Love.
-Natalie

The Inevitable FRESHMAN 15!!!

I've been here less than two weeks and I'm already beginning to realize why the Freshman 15 is such a plague for most college students. When I take a look around campus on my way to class, I am sometimes in aw of the number of students that are carrying around a significant amount of extra body weight. I guess I shouldn't be too surprised, seeing as how the number of overweight students directly correlates to the dining options we have here on campus...

My mom has gotten frequent calls home from me concerning the dining options that are available. Whereas most colleges, I believe, have some sort of cafeteria where students basically have an all-you-can-eat buffet at their disposal, my college uses something called 'dining dollars.' We're given a card with $1,700 dollars on it and this amount is supposed to buy all of our meals for the semester. There are select vendors that accept our 'dining dollars' card, so I find that we're very limited in terms of what we have to choose from.

The main dining outlet on campus is comprised of a few different vendors...all of which have little to nothing that suits my diet. Wendy's is the number 1 place where I have seen most students buy lunch. It's convenient, quick, and gross. If you need to eat on the run in between classes, Wendy's is the spot to go...if you're looking for you're next episode of cardiac arrest in a bun.

I can't say that my diet has been completely clean either. I think that in comparison to most other people I've meet, my choices are pretty good, but then again, who am I really comparing myself to?

The school proudly advertises their 'Vegan/Vegetarian Hot Bar' but when I went there the buy something to eat, this was the best I could do:


I had to take a few hours to sleep this one off. I really didn't feel good after eating it.

I can't knock every on-campus restaurant though. I have found a select few that somewhat cater to my needs. The first one is Robeks. I've been going there periodically over the last week for smoothies and wheatgrass shots. A regular smoothie runs about $5.50, but the size of it is pretty large:


Each time I go, I make sure to tell them to leave out the sorbet, yogurt, or anything else they put into it that isn't fruit or ice.

Another smoothie place I found is located upstairs from the fitness center...pretty convenient. I've gotten wheatgrass shots from there as well. The wheatgrass really keeps me going.

Being raw in college isn't working out very well so far, but right now I'm working on just staying on top on my veganism as much as possible. My mom tells me that I should try to do some sort of 'lobbying' in order to get some healthy grocery stores to join the 'dining dollars' list of vendors. We'll see how it all progresses.

More updates to come.

Raw. Love.
-Natalie